Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Jack Sparling: Road Warrior.

Yesterday I had an experience which will stay with me forever. I was a White Van man for the day, I was helping my friend Dave with his delivery load. Which means I got to shout such things as "Choose a fucking lane!" and "Fucking honk your horn again you cunt!"

It was brilliant, did you know North of North London there's little village towns? Well, I was amazed anyway.

It was pretty easy, Dave did all the driving and I just got out and brought boxes to restaurants, and blagged free cokes. It was nice though, I wouldn't mind doing it as a job, I think I'm gonna start learning to drive soon and be some sort of courier or delivery person for a while and see how I like it, then marry Leah Remini.

I've wanted a 9 to 5 for a while now, no more pubs for me, the main problem is finding a job I enjoy, I've had a lot of jobs, well about 8 to be specific, but out of all of them I only ever enjoyed 1 of them, which was in a DVD shop. I didn't do much I just stood around on the shop floor and told people what to buy.

The quest goes on,

I realize this post is a bit lazily written and not very good so...

Hear about that bloke in the Paralympics who got disqualified?

He was using WD40.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Sleep is not a friend of mine.

God, I have such problems sleeping, Now, I can nap like a motherfucker, but sleep is different, and for those who don't know the difference here's a quick guide.

  • Naps don't take place in a bed, they take place on a sofa or comfy chair for example.
  • Naps last 4 hours max, otherwise it's sleep, unless you're on a plane.
  • Napping with a guy is perfectly acceptable.
  • Powernaps must not take place anywhere but an office

So yeah, sleep, I never really got on with it, I can't sleep properly, I must of missed a jab at school or something. You see when I wanna sleep because say, I got something to do the next day, I can't. Not because I have something to do and I'm nervous, I think it's just my body wants revenge on all the manwiches and cigarettes.

And when I eventually drift off? No good, I'm awake an hour or two later because of what are called night terrors, Laugh away but put yourself in my shoes, Think if you will on your worst nightmare, it's like that on a shit load of acid.

Not sleeping does have its advantages though, and I've learnt alot about myself from it, I learnt that I love watching baseball. Also my room gets tidy, my washing get's done and my dog gets played with (Not an innuendo). I'm not an insomniac though, like every 3rd blogger claims to be, I do get to sleep but just a irrelevant times. say, I got to sleep at 7:30AM. at 8:15 you know my dad's coming through that door because he has to much time on his hands. So I'm awake all day, maybe take a nap around 4, which means I'll be up all night. Once or twice a week though a thing of beauty happens, I have a "Catch up sleep", where basically, I sleep most of the day, great isn't it.

And another thing, I miss being able to take naps without getting the shit kicked outta you verbally, I used to come home from school, kick of my shoes put Mona the Vampire on and nap for about 3 hours, I do that now and my mum comes in the room and gives me shit about doing nothing with myself blah blah blah, I was doing something with myself... having a nap.

In other news my birthday was awesome, I gotta give it to my bro's and Ho's they know how to treat me, They gave me a suprise birthday party two weeks beforehand, which was great and had never happened before. Then on the actual day (That's the 30th of August yall, mark your calendars) we went out and was generally awesome.

Well that's all for now.

Good night and good luck.