Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Things I should be and why I'd be awesome at them no matter what Saeed says.

Every week I have a new ambition, Every week my new ambition gets shot down by Saeed. Usually because "You don't know how to fly a plane" or "You couldn't even stick college let alone live on an ocean liner". Anyway, I think I'd be awesome at certain jobs and here's why:

Ice Road Trucker

Now despite the fact I can't drive, have no idea how trucks work, am terrible on ice and have a terrible sense of direction., I would be awesome at this job, why you may ask? The attitude friends, I got the Ice Road Trucker attitude, I'm daring, can sit down for a long time and can do CB Radio talk. Also, I'm used to eating things from packets exclusivly, my body was built for being an Ice Road Trucker, fat enough to stay warm and short enough to fit comfortably in the cab.

Private Investigator

Saeed has a few reasons for why I shouldn't do this, Mainly that I'm very clumsy, I stumble and fall pretty much everywhere I go. I can't go 5 minutes without smoking and coughing and I can't drive. However I think I'd be awesome for these reasons: I own a Trenchcoat, Due to all my years of reading Batman I have keen detective skills, I look great in a fedora and I call women dames, broads and skirts.

Prime Minister

Granted I have no idea I have no idea how politics work but I would fucking rock as PM. Wearing suits all the time, always having a big chair to sit in, ordering people about and prank calling Ken Livingstone with Boris Johnson. Apparantly there's actually some work involved and you have to be voted in or smething which means people will have to like me first, that's...to much effort.


I've seen all the Indiana Jones films, Look great in a half buttoned shirt and have experience fighting Nazi's and Museum curators. Saeed don't think I could do this because I get sleepy in hot weather and sleep until 4PM. He's totally wrong though right? I got mean stubble.

I'm gonna figure out how to do polls, then I'll be back.

Stay Gold.

1 comment:

Sam said...

All of those sound like you, but if you ever follow up the PM dream, I would be scared.

This opening line is of particular concern:

'Granted, I have no idea I have no idea how politics work'

You should have mentioned down heavy metal bandleader.