Thursday, 10 March 2011

Day 25: someone who facinates you and why.

Wow, there's so many people who facinate me. Ted Bundy, Jimmy Stewart, Boris Johnson, Elmer Fudd. Yet, there's only one person who this blog was ever going to be about, Many of you won't know him, and be ready for an insight into the world of


James 'Horrible Cunt' Shearman.

I used photoshop to hide the look of Terror on my face.

This is James Shearman. 40 years old, Mitcham born and bread, made of 2 parts rage, 1 part humour and 5 parts pure terror.

James is the head of Clints household, and he enforces it with crude humour and terrifying punishments. I have been woke up with the following:

Wake up Medicine (Cold water, Face, Pretty standard)
Shouts of "Wake up cunt, I'm bored"
Pillow attacks
'Milking' (Don't ask)

These are all pretty standard, then a while ago James got his hands on an epilator.

I still get flashbacks

Now, if you're not familiar with epilators, they're like electronic razors, but instead of cutting the hair it plucks them out.

Occasionally you'd be asleep at Clints place, and you'd hear the whirr of the epilator being turned on, if you didn't get up, you'd be painfully losing your designer stuble.

After a few weeks of concentration camp-esque fear, James lost the Epilator, we could reast easy for a while, at least until he bought that chainsaw home.

Another reminder of James' creativity, is after a heavy night of drinking we invented 'break break dancing'. James, being a breakdancer in the late 80's (Seriously) came up with a novel new way of boxing, you could only hit your opponent if you Incorporated it into some sort of dance move. That was a...that was a crazy night, Clint actually broke his wrist if memory recalls.

You may get the wrong idea from this post, he's not a bully or wrong'un. Despite hilarious accidents, nearly being barred from several pubs and general lewd behaviour, James isn't a bad person. He's one of the funniest, kindest and most generous people I've ever met. Everyone loves him because he's so goddamn funny. However if you see this man do not approach him, He's been known to get people in headlocks until they say his full name (With added middle names).

Can you put the gun away now James?

Stay Gold.

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