Friday, 18 March 2011

Jacknaphobia

Believe it or not, but this big, handsome statuesque figure is scared of a few things, Vegetarian food, Kim Jong Un, wilderbeast stampedes, y'know, the usual stuff. But I want to talk about what I'm scared of the most. Spiders. I thought it would be therapeutic to talk it through, also it's good for you meer mortals to see that when you peel away the layers of awesome and bacon, I'm just like you guys.

I don't even play with this shit, Even the word makes me check the corners of the room for these abominations. Ever since I was a kid they've terrified me, I don't know why but just the thought of them 8 legged dicks makes me shudder. What terrifies me the most is their resistance to everything. Now, we all know where the worst spiders come from, the land that god forgot, Australia.


This is given to every Australian child at birth


I've come to two conclusions when it comes to Australia,
1. Never go to Australia
2. Australians are fucking crazy.

As we know there were massive floods in Australia not so long ago, or it's still happening. I don't pay much attention. Anyway, I saw some of the flood pictures, I noticed one thing all the pictures had in common.


You see any spider corpses? Me either. According to national geographic or something else I can't be bothered to look up, there's over 200 bazillion fajillion spiders that can kill you in Australia alone, yet there's no corpses floating on the water where are they all? Which means there's only one conclusion.

"Where do we go? Anywhere we want!
Let's start with Jacks house"

Or hiding or whatever. Here's what Scares me about spiders the most. They've managed to dominate Land, Sea (As proven above) and air.

He will look for you
He will find you
And he will scare the fuck out of you

That's a fucking bird. Birds can fly, They have no restrictions of where they soar. Yet the spiders still manage to get them. These 8 legged Terminators have stopped caring about the laws of nature and decency. We need to stamp them out. So do what you can people, throw on some DM's and stamp around in the wilderness, we all need to do our part.


Stay Gold

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