Saturday, 9 April 2011

Stupid things are annoying me now, I'm evidently turning into my nan.

I'm getting irritable in my old age. Over really stupid things, In my typical stolen format fashion, I'm going to go through them and let you know why they annoy me, more than likely outing myself as massive hypocrite while I'm at it too.


People not answering their phone.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm pretty fucking awful with my phone, if you call me 9 out of 10 times I won't answer. Usually because I've either left it in my favourite crack den or I'm in one of my my moods where I plain old don't want to talk to anyone.

Occasionally I need to call someone because I need a lift or can't remember who I lent my hooker shovel to.

"Ha! Sure, Tuesday sounds good, By the way have you
got my hooker shovel? It happened again"

I hate using the phone, it's impersonal, you can't read peoples reactions and my deadpan delivery and comic timing suffers. So, when I call you, it's a big deal, you should answer quickly and with enthusiasm. For some reason it really bothers me, so a note for the future folks, when I ring, answer within 3 rings, of you WILL lose my friendship.

People talking to you with one earphone in
This really winds me up, is my conversation with you THAT boring that you need the Glee cast destroying another rock classic in the other ear? I think it's just rude, this is the sole reason everything's fucking up, the worlds tearing itself apart because The UN are so rude most of them are doing just this instead of trying to solve their problems.

"Shut up Carla, Edward's about to propose to Bella"


'Women' who do their make-up in public
Look, women. What the fuck is going on? The amount of times I've seen women on the tube or in an office doing their make-up, save that shit for home, you're taking away all the mystery. We know that you don't naturally look that good, but we like to believe you do. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but if only there was some sort of way women could know how to conduct themselves in modern society.

If only...

Dennis Quaids career.
Top of your head, name 5 Dennis Quaid films. Shoot, some of you probably don't even know who he is, Google him, I'll wait. Yeah, that guy. I love Dennis Quaid, I think he's a talented guy, he's a great leading man. But for some reason, his career never took off as much as it should have. This upsets me, I don't imagine it's as many peoples concern as mine and Quaids agent, but I think everyone should know who he is. I will fix this.

Well, those are a few things that bother me, they may seem small but they're bothering me more and more these days, I don't know if it's age or the fact just an angry, angry fucker, but it feels better I got it out there.


Stay Gold.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

I'm not god damn living enough.

Here's the thing, I'm 22, Every day I get closer and closer to 23, which is practically middle aged for my people. And yeah, I've had some fun, got a few stories (The Snowman, The po na na table fiasco, The OAP molestation incident), but I'm still not living enough.

Every other fucker is having more fun than me, and i know why.

I don't go out as much as I used too, I miss going out and getting so shitfaced beating up a midget believing he was Yoda seemed like a good Idea.

Moments after the 'incident'


I'm wasting my youth sitting round playing playstation (Which granted, will come in useful when Korea take over). So I'm making a pact, when I'm working again, at least once a month I'll rally the troops, go out, and drink so much that challenging a prostitute to a whore off will be the least of my troubles in the morning. The old reckless shit I was ever so fond of.

I've been having many lengthy talks with a friend recently about the need for alcohol, and as much as I hate to admit it, he's right, it does lubricate the cogs of the fun bus/police van. I think everyone should get involved, And I'll tell you one thing, 9 out of 10 times you do need alcohol to have a good time, And if you're one of them "I don't need to drink to have a good time, I think it's funnier to stay sober and see what all the drunk people do" people, you my friend, are not part of the party, and also a giant fanny. You're not part of the beautiful moments where everyone else is the room is so balls to the wall drunk that human pyramids just fucking happen.

So I'm going to start living again, get a few more stories for the blog (But remember, I'm doing this for me, not you dickhead), as soon as I have an occupation.

Here's to reckless partying.

And some of the down right nasty roads it can lead you down


Stay Gold