Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Holy fuck-up Batman!

So, I've never really been a fan of Smallville, I watched it occasionally when it first started and watched the odd episode where there was another hero involved, but a week or so ago was the Series Finale so I thought I should watch.

It was so bad it made me want to remove my Superman Tattoo with a cheese grater and blood sacrifice my comics to Alan Moore.

He'd be SO up for it.

And it got me to thinking, How is it out of all of the comic books adaptions out there only a handful are worth watching? How do these big budget films get made without a key grip or something going up to a director and saying "Yo, why does the Batsuit have nipples?" or "So, Judge Dredd's taking off his helmet" and "right, so who's Superman going to fight?".

And yeah, I get that some things won't work on film just because they work in comics, that's understandable, not everything can translate properly. But was there really a need for a dance number in Spiderman 3?

It doesn't make sense how these get fucked up,

let's take Superman returns for example, which on paper, looked like it was going to be amazing, Bryan Singer? Awesome, I loved X-Men. Great cast, Spacey playing Luthor? Perfect! brilliant visuals, set between Superman II & III, whoa, what? What happened?

How did that happen?

Studio Exec: Bryan, We're big fans, loved what you did with X-men, we really enjoyed it,
Bryan Singer: Oh, thanks, what can I do for you?
Studio Exec: Well, as you saw Batman Begins was a huge success and gave us a chance to reboot a serious character and forget all about the mistakes in the past.
Bryan Singer: OK
Studio Exec: So we've decided to kick start the Superman franchise, and we want you at the helm
Bryan Singer: Wow, yeah sure i had some ideas for this anyway, It's set between Superman II and III, yeah the Christopher Reeves ones, Lex Luthor wants real estate and the fight at the end will be between Superman and a rock
Studio Exec: Brilliant! Here's 200 Million dollars, now, don't go spending any of that on comics or anything silly.
Bryan Singer: Ha! No worries there!

I should point out that Superman has been in publication for OVER 70 YEARS! 70 years of rich history and they couldn't have chosen anything better than Lex Luthor getting involved in a real estate scam.

Seriously, anything would have been better,

The sad thing is Superman Returns is just one example of many, For Every Dark Knight or Iron Man there's 5 Ghost Riders. So I'm going to end this with some advice to the studios:

Guy's, I know making movies can't be easy, And I respect you, but when it comes to Superhero films you have to understand that comic book fans are some of the most passionate fans out there, we keep buying shit even when they kill off and resurrect our favourite characters every few years, we know we're getting mugged off but we care about this stuff, and we know you have to reach a wider audience than just the fans but surely there's compromise? What I'm trying to say is, Just let Christopher Nolan do everything from now on, K?

Stay Gold.

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