Monday, 29 August 2011

Broadstairway to heaven.

So, it was that time, folk week, Broadstairs. But to proceed in the fun of Broadstairs Folk week weekend, I had to endure the atrocity of camping. These are reasons I don't understand you white people and your obsession with camping.

The people.
Why do people go camping for fun? In my case it was necessary, folk weeks on and everyone else is doing it. But get this, there were people there doing it for fun, it makes no sense. Because it's not getting back to nature, it's sitting in a cornered off part of a Field looking at other people sitting in another cornered off bit of a Field getting pissed off that you didn't have the foresight to bring a swingball set.

The shared toilets and shower block.
Respect where it's due, the block at the campsite where we were was well maintained and clean, but still, I don't need to hear people having BBQ food dumps while I'm brushing my teeth. Then there's the button controlled showers, Every time you got a good rhythm of scrubbing going the mother fucker stops and everyone can here you crying to yourself because you'll be sleeping in a Field that night.

No fires
Every time I go round my friend Jon's place, he gets a fire going, rain wind or shine, I think he has problems, but nonetheless it's just a nice thing to sit around But no, not at a campsite, god forbid we ruin their precious grass, benders.

You're stuck in a tent
If it rains, there is nothing else to do other than sit in your tent. With the smells emanating from me due to eating nothing but BBQ food and drinking scotch, plus the monsters crawling around my tent, I want to spend as little time in there as possible. Simple as.

Not even a decent support to do a Carradine

But, at the end of every tunnel there's light, and in this case, it was the fun that was had in town. Now, I done a bottle of scotch before we went out on Saturday night, so things were hazy, but the following happened.

1. We bar mitzvah someone in the conservatory of a club
2. We went on the Rory everywhere
3. I asked countless women back to my tent, they all declined, when I asked one lady why this was happening she said "Because you're the size of a fucking tent" I wanted to marry her.
4. I told everyone in a kebab shop to shut up, and they did.
5. 5 minutes later in said kebab shop this annoying twat got lamped by this geezer built like a tank. quality.

I vaguely recollect foot stomping to some folk music too. Good weekend.

Stay Gold